Filed under Love & Relationships

Beliefs and Values: Critical Questions to ask oneself

What drives our emotions and behaviours?

1) Beliefs & Values

2) Personality

 

Beliefs-At-That-Point-In-Time (BATPIT) are immediate thoughts in response to an event. By observing your BATPIT you can find the main drivers of your emotions and behavior

Underlying beliefs are fundamental and deep seated, and applied similarly across different situations.

How do detect your underlying beliefs? Ask yourself these questions

1) What does this event mean to you?

2) What is the worse / most upsetting part of the event for me?

3) What does that say about me?

4) What is so bad about my response?

 

Ways to detect your own BATPIT

1) Describe event objectively (who, what , when , where)

2) Describe your feelings and behaviours in response to the event

3) Ask yourself: What was i thinking that brought about my feelings / behaviour?

36 Questions You can ask to Have someone fall in love with you

No. 37: Big Wedding or Small? – NYTimes.com.

The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one. The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Tagged ,

Inheriting Undesirable Traits Subconciously

Sometimes, you end up becoming the things you hate most about your parents.

I started Monday morning coaching call with a major A-ha moment. My sharp senior coach Yunn Ee told me” It is no coincidence that your mum does not see that you love her just as the way you do not see the importance of sleep”  First reaction: HUH ?

She got to know about my perception of REST, that since the age of 12 i have pretty much decided that SLEEP is for the dead. And that sleep is unproductive when i could be doing more. (Notice the state of mind as it decide ” i’m not doing enough”) Perhaps this explains why i have never slept before 12 midnight since the age of 12, unless i was sick or having jetlag. While in my head i would know the famous chinese saying “To rest is to prepare for the long journey ahead”, emotionally , i linked sleeping with guilt for enjoyment.

In the same way, my senior pointed out that my mum would always focus  on what i didn’t do (eg: leave a spot of messiness on the table when i had packed and cleared the rest of the table) instead of focusing on what i have done. This mentality is damaging on so many levels. I developed the same self- sabotaging qualities that causes me to focus on what i don’t have , did not do, and beat myself up over it. I rarely celebrated my wins and it causes serious contentment issues. 

I guess that’s why they say the fruit never falls far from the tree.

Tagged , , , , ,

Rainbow centre: Raising S$1million in 30 days?!?

image

 

Yeap, that’s the 30 + 6 crazy passionate people i’m going to spend the next 90 days of my life in intensity with.  Nope, we may not be meeting everyday, but not a day goes by without the passionate wins & celebration of each others goals.

We had our first WOW day meeting at a member’s beautiful castle somewhere in Orchard. Ben sold us a vision where we voted on doing an outrageous fund raising activity for Rainbow Centre who is building an extension wing to be able to increase capacity to house more children and training for their therapists and caretakers. in 30 days or so, the goal to raise a cool S$ 1 million and enroll the entire leadership alumni from Legacy to LP125 to join us in this big vision!!

It scares us, but that is what stretches us to our potential and to see how beautiful team dynamics can be when everyone can come together for a common vision and not let their feelings, attitudes and fixed beliefs get in the way. And it is heartening to see everyone volunteer to take up roles and break up into sub committees for work delegation (mind you everyone works a full time job , sans some lucky homemakers)

More updates on this to come

 

Tagged , , , ,

Confronting my Fears.

On friday i made a lunch date with my leadership program senior. She had been volunteering in my life since Basic – Advanced and now to my Leadership program, and i know she does that because she loves and cares for us. (why else would anyone want to volunteer their precious time to mentor and coach people??)

Now i have been fearful of her because she has portrayed herself as the ultimate fierce bitch (at least to me) since basic and i have avoided her as much as possible. While being fierce, dominating and overbearing may be a turnoff to me,  deep in my heart… i know that i secretly admire the qualities she possessed:
1) Her crystal clear clarity  of her life purpose
2) Her decisiveness on problem solving difficult situations
3) Her ability to influence and win hearts of people
4) Sharpness to co-relate and make observations 

Qualities which i would very much love to have, but have been procrastinating to develop. Hence after advanced, i made a mental note that i would have lunch with this powerful woman one day just to have a casual chat with her about life.

 

image

 

 

image

image

RIDE-BY-HUGS

Why Weddings Have Become Meaningless Displays Of Pretense For Gen-Y | Elite Daily

I have always dreamed of having a grand wedding when i was younger. Sucked totally by the rom -com make belief of fairy tales but as i grew, i eventually felt the truth of what was said in this article. It is not my desire to “prove” to the whole world my love for another.  Perhaps that would be my parents wishes.

via Why Weddings Have Become Meaningless Displays Of Pretense For Gen-Y | Elite Daily.

1 The Bridge of Life by Samsung Life Insurance Touches the Heart

1 The Bridge of Life by Samsung Life Insurance Touches the Heart.

I watched this ad and really felt that Corporates can have such a big impact if only they could see themselves changing in a bigger way. Far too often, we only work on tactical methods that bring us immediate results but are less meaningful in the grand scheme of things

Tagged , , , ,

When They Don’t Love You Back | Thought Catalog

When They Don’t Love You Back | Thought Catalog.

 

Food for thought:

There are few things more painful than feeling like you’re constantly going out of your way for someone who is, at best, mildly amused by your affection. It’s hard to explain the feeling of disappointment exactly, but it’s mostly directed towards yourself. You can tell when you send them a good-morning text message, or mail them a gift, or take the time to do something for them that you know they’ll barely appreciate — this isn’t going to be reciprocated. This isn’t going to be really appreciated. Hell, it may not even be noticed. But you can’t stop yourself.

Seeking Approval In All The Wrong Places | Thought Catalog

Seeking Approval In All The Wrong Places | Thought Catalog.

 

Written so beautifully with such intense intimacy, i thought i had to share it